It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
