quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
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