dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
