We named our party play list daddy issues
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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