and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
