We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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