Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
