he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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