It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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