My girlfriend figured out who you are.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
