you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
