Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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