I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
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