I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
she peed on how many people?
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
