We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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