Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Who died my cat blue again?
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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