I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
