I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
