tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
