wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
