Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
