I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
