So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
