i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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