I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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