I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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