So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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