You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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