I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
You ate ashes out of my bong
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
