This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
