Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
