You just made me feel so damn special
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
