You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
