I have demons in me.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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