i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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