omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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