Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
