is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
