i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
