I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Randomize
