so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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