so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
