I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I'm gonna fight the coyote
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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