i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
