He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
