So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
