OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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