I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Randomize
