i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
well you can't waste a boner
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
