Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
