I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Randomize
